mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
