He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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