I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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