Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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