I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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