I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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