I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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