i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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