Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
