Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
