The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?