some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
