Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.