That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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