You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.