i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend