its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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