Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
