the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
