Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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