I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
