My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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