Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
3pm strippers are depressing
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
