But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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