im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
