You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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