why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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