Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I have post one night stand depression
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
