he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
