I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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