you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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