if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
