Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
