You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
