You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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