There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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