AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
