so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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