yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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