you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
