Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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