if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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