alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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