I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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