I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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