We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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