I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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