best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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