i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
