none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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