So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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