just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
