It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize