Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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