I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
