I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.