what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.