I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.