): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
