Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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