OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
