guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
