I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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