Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
