Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize