my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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