My room smells like vodka and shame
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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