There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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