just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
