I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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