Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
