just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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