I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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