thus making me awesome and them whores
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
