I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
