I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
