i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
