So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
