Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
